Greetings one and all,

As I type away, the weather outside is blisteringly hot! It is the 1^st of October and we should be wearing gloves & scarves for goodness sake. This might salvage the English grape harvest. They suffered all through the July that patently forgot to do its job and make the sun shine.

I wrote last time about my cycling endeavours. I’m still cycling away most days to work & back. If I have to bring my car, I do feel a bit cheated. I’m even cycling up pier hill without getting off. The hope I had that it would slowly shave a few inches from my rather rotund midriff is not happening. But I’ll continue to pedal away. A month or so ago, as I pulled away from my house in my car, a rather fetching lady in billowing white and flowing blonde hair, gave me such a terrific happy smile. What a treat I thought. And me at 61 as well. Fifty metres further on I looked in my rear view mirror ... I was wearing my cycle crash helmet having got into my car by mistake. She was not smiling at me, she was laughing at me. God what a fool I felt. I turned around and went back for my bike but as I got out of the car I perked up a bit. The good Lord had spared me serious blushes for had I have got out of the car to speak with the said flowing lady, she would have also seen my bicycle clips. That would have been serious.

I also wrote about the traffic engineers and the seafront. As it became busier, the absence of crossings and a cycle pathway becomes confusing. That is exactly what we want cry the traffic engineers!! It’s the latest trend among these twilight people. They seem to inhabit a world where they never associate with anyone outside of their world of traffic calming areas, traffic lights with metres of fences to shepherd us in the direction they want us to go. If they did associate with normal folk, they could be diverted from their task. The argument goes something like this ... it is a "shared area". Cars pedestrians and cyclists will share the space. Confused people will be more cautious they say. Not so sure about that theory, but if that’s what very expensive consultants say and traffic engineers sign up to, then it must be right mustn’t it?. Hmm .. in my world, confusion creates chaos if I am not mistaken. I know because we have too much of it here. Chaos is not good and neither is this idea.

We spent decades teaching kids to cross at zebra & pedestrian crossings. It worked and kids lives were saved. I am not so sure that telling kids these rules don’t apply anymore, or expecting the average 10 year old to judge whether they apply or not, is not a good idea in my opinion. Apparently, our elected councillors cannot stop this very expensive experiment because if a crossing is put in and a kid is run over because they didn’t cross at the correct spot, then they will be held to account for ignoring the consultant and council officers. Wonderful isn’t it?

I try very hard not to cycle on the shared pavement as I (quite rightly) get looks from parents who are unhappy with an old bloke teetering along unsteadily on a bike. But cycling along the seafront on the road is dangerous. There is just no room. All that money spent now and it will be some years before it will be changed back to something more sensible. It should be changed right away, but who is going to admit that it is an experiment gone wrong and change it?

I hear that a brave town in Holland is having some great results with this sort of experiment. But they have done away with all the traffic lights throughout the town. They have a series of mini round-a-bouts with filter entry and straight forward zebra crossings. The critics point to the increased bumps at junctions, but the supporters point to the fact that the bumps are very minor ones (no speeding up to catch the lights) as everyone approaches the junction with "caution" the bumps result in little or no injury and no deaths.

Courage dear traffic engineers. Get rid of all the traffic lights in the town. Now that would be interesting.

Just after I sent out the last newsletter, I got a call to ask whether I would be interested in having two female winemakers here on a Friday night. They were Vanya Cullen & Stephanie Toole. Not only are they great winemakers, but they are just good fun to be with as well. Vanya is a very gifted winemaker with a huge understanding of nature and how grapes grow. Some of her ideas are a bit cooky to some, but there is no doubt, she does make iconic wine. She takes a cow horn, stuffs it with pregnant cow dung (or something like that) and buries deep in the vineyard for some months. When it is dug up, she dilutes it down with water and sprays it on the soil after harvest. Anyway, the evening was lovely. The kitchen worked very hard with 45 for the wine dinner and another 50 on normal Friday night menu. We were very fortunate that the UK agent supported the evening. We served a tasting of 4 top wines, then another 5 with dinner. The wines were extraordinary. It was so good of Vanya & Stephanie to come to Southend to the old crusty dusty Pipe when they could have been at a smart west end emporium. But they like you lot. They have both been here twice now. We are very lucky in that respect.

It has been a very slow long summer for us. The VAT hit us very hard. When the VAT went down to 15%, of course our prices had to reflect this. At the same time, fresh food prices rocketed, as you will know yourselves and just have not stopped going up. When the VAT went up to 20%, we added a bit of it, but that was more than taken away in food increases. On the wine side, we had two lots of duty thrown at us as well. With the VAT increase alone, we have calculated the chancellor has taken close to an extra £50,000 from our little business this year. That is a bugger. No business this size can cope with those sort of hits in such a depressed market. But I guess we will survive. Just as well I’ve got my old boneshaker bike Eh?

We are having a run of pregnancies here at the Pipe. Over the years, we have had a few young women give birth whilst working here (not literally!) and come back. It’s good. We also have had the children come here and work as they came of age. There is a possibility that the granddaughter of Julie Bell who worked here for decades, might come and be the first 3^rd generation to work at the Pipe. How good would that be?

Our manager Sally has just come back after having her first, plus Jessie is away on maternity leave at the moment. Then we have Mina, who works on the bar, and then my delightful elder daughter Layla who also works on the bar, both pregnant. I am to be a grandfather. Goodness me. I am not ready for grandfatherhood. I’ll have to ban anyone who refers to me by that title. I will accept "superpappa". I think that will do me for a year or so until I get used to the whole thing.

All right I’ll shut up now.

Its ME!

Super Pappa

EVENTS.

South Australia is the largest wine producing area of Australia. Many styles and prices, the hearty Shiraz of the Barossa to the elegant Claire Valley & more. 2 whites, 3 reds and something to tickle your fancy.

The ever popular Rib Eye night has been requested numerous times in the last couple of months. To start, we’ll serve up some potted shrimps, probably Morecambe Bay if possible. We’ll make up some warm mace butter to draw out the flavour, then chill them overnight. We’ll take them out of the fridge for a while before you get them to soften them just ever so... The rib eye, served medium, will come with Bearnaise sauce this thyme with some great chips, sauteed mushrooms & Tomato Salad. For dessert how about Ginger Creme Brulee? As per normal, 5 wines, one a sweetie.

There won’t be the usual format here. Book a table as you please. You select your menu, there will be nice French specials to choose from and there will be Nouveau plus other Beaujolais to choose at varying prices. Here are some of the special that will be available from the Thursday lunchtime in case you can’t make the evening; Classic French Onion Soup with Gruyere Cheese Croute. Blanquette of Veal to follow, the ever brilliant Lemon Tart with Raspberry Coulis. We’ll have some Rabbit as well. You’ll see if we don’t.

If you don’t fancy the busy Nouveau atmosphere and want to hear what the cultivated Steve has to say about it all, then this might be your night! Rather than repeat our Beaujolais tasting at this time of year, we’ll instead serve you 2 Beaujolais, with a great Valpolicella, a Red from the Loire Valley, a light Pinot Noir from northern Italy and what else hmm? There will be six wines, all red, for sure

This is a trade type tasting. We open 20 wines in a line. You wander down the line & taste as you fancy. In addition there are tons of bin end bottles this year for you to ponder over. Some under £6 all the way through to the £50 / £60 range. They all have one thing in common, they are great value. . We have to put this tasting into timed slots so please indicate the time you prefer on the booking sheet. We’ll call you if it is full for that slot. Please also let us know if you would like a table to dine with us

This is one of our very popular evenings and so it should be. We do the same thing every year. Serve you good food & wine, get the Carol Singers to whip you into shape and send you home with a smile, ready for the Christmas feasting. The menu and booking sheet is attached.

We have closed on the previous two New Year,s Eve nights for personal reasons. But we must get this fantastic party night up & running again. However, the law prohibits us from charging a set price to include all the drinks. We will therefore change the format. Instead, we will serve you two flutes of Champagne with luxury canapies as starters at your table. Then the terrific Hot & Cold Buffet table loaded with delights to tantalise your tastebuds. We will serve you two glasses (175mls) wine with you dinner. After that I’m afraid it is a cash bar. You can run a tab all night if you wish but let us know and we can set you up with a tab card. During dinner, Simon the disc jockey will play you some soothing melodies. As you finish the mood will change as we get you all dancing into 2012. Iain or trusty piper will pop in at about 11.30 to skirl his pipes a tad. I really enjoy this New Year,s Eve. It,s a party night with lovely people and lots of fun.

I even run a taxi show at the end of the night. Book you taxi with us and you keep dancing. I stand outside with a two way radio and hold your taxi until you come up for it. Just let us know what time you want it for.

We have some fabulous Chianti. The market for Chianti is huge and I have even tasted a pretty decent Lidl one at £7.99. So it’s about time we had a serious look at this area. We will show you the whole Chianti areas and select six that we think are hitting the spot.

As you know I have some new passion pleats (the kilt) I haven’t been wearing it so much in recent times. It’s about time I spilled some soup down it and got into trouble for proving myself a "true" Scot. My old heart does beat a bit faster on Burns nights. OK so I do drink a bit of the old nippy stuff, but I know there is something about Burns that lifts my spirits. The menu will be; Scotch Broth, then Kipper Pate or Roast Tomato & Pesto tart, followed by Haggis with Haggis. You keep asking and we will keep serving it until you burst!! There are always a few faint hearts and you can have some Salmon or pan Fried Chicken Breast in Herb Bread Crumbs with Chicken & Lemon Gravy. To the puds for lovely Steamed Jam sponge pudding with custard or a Drambuie Chocolate torte or Cheese. We will call you near the day to tell you what time we pipe you through to dinner.

I have heard that we will experience Siberian weather after Christmas. So we’d better keep you fed and warm. We’ll marinade some king prawns in chilli & coconut. A bit if lime & zest as well. They will be roasted in a fierce oven until they are just cooked. Serve them up with a little noodle salad in oriental dressing should get you going. Some beef pieces, cooked in Guinness with wild mushrooms. That on top of serious champ with a bowl of bashed carrot & swede. To finish, some white chocolate Bread & Butter Pudding.

Choose which night you want. They will both be the same. We dress up a bit more than normal on these evenings. Let’s have a posh night eh?

Please click here to download the booking form